i'm scared yes i am. i'm crying too.
if you read my journal, which i seriously doubt that anyone does, you must be wondering, why does this girl cry all the time, why is she so scared? well i'm scared all the time because i'm leaving for college soon, 15 days to be exact, and i cry because i'm scared.
so i'm going to this university, its a quite huge university, one of the biggest in the country, and i don't really want to go, its not that i don't want to goto college, its i don't want to go to THIS college. I really don't want to go there because its huge. I'm terrified of it. It's so huge. I really wanted to goto a little school, but this was the only school my parents could afford. If it was just the hugeness that i was scared about, i would be able to deal, but its not. what i'm really really scared about is leaving behind my boyfriend.
i know that sounds ridiculous, i'm an indepepndent girl, i should be able to function without being in the same zip code as my boyfriend, but i really an seriously beginning to doubt whether or not i actually can. this isn't just me being codependent and stupid although it probably seems like it alot. i really need him around, because he's the only one who i really feel like i can talk to and a lot of the time i just need to be able to talk to him, to be able to get through the day. this shouldn't be a problem right? right? we have the newfangled internet and the old standby the telephone, so i should be ok right? i hope so, but i dunno, the phone just doesn't cut it for me, sometimes i just need to be held. thats what i'm really afraid of, who's going to be there when i need to be held? school is 2 hours away from home and so there's no way i get held everytime i need it. i have a stuffed animal from him that i can hold but holding just doesn't take the place of getting held.
theres more. i think. but i'm sleepy and can't really think.